First of all, we must remember that even when you know how wonderful the Kallah is and her family is, you have to check “Hashemeinah hee im Razah.” (For those of you that suffer from humorpenia, that was a joke.)
Second, and more seriously: Building a Bayis Ne’eman requires three elements: A foundation, walls, and a roof.
The foundation is the history the couple brings to the marriage: their families, what they have learned, and their achievements in Middos and Chessed.
The walls are the contribution of the Kallah. Under the Chupah, the Kallah walks around the Chassan seven times, as we did with the Aravah on Sukkos around the Mizbei’ach, to symbolize that it is the Akeres Habayis that createsthe circumstances of kedushah that separate the home life from the influences of the secular world. As the Gemora says, “Hashorui be’lo ishah, shorui be’lo Chomah.” One who is without a wife, lacks a wall. The wife creates the walls that define and surround the Jewish house.
The roof is the contribution of the Chassan. In Megilas Rus, Boaz was asked “Ufarasta kenafecha ahl amasecha.” The husband brings the Kallah to the chuppah that he creates, and that chuppah is the roof of the bayis ne’eman. What does the roof signify? The Gemora in Menachos says that Tzitzis, which are discussed at the end of this week’s parsha, are a segula for two things: for Tznius and for a kosher Parnassah. It is when a person gets married that these two things acquire the greatest importance, when he becomes responsible for the wellfare of his wife and family. It is with the middah of Tznius, and the siyata dishmaya to ensure that the home is sustained with only koshereh parnassah, that the husband creates a roof of the bayis ne’eman.
It is with these three elements that a Bayis Ne’eman is created. With the foundation of experience and history and influence and family that the Chassan and Kallah bring with themselves; with the walls of kedusha that exclude the outside world and create within them an environment of kedusha; and the roof of tznius and ehrlichkeit that is symbolized in the Chuppah, the Tallis Gadol that the Chassan wears on his body and with which he provides shelter and safety for his Bayis Ne’eman.
A slightly better way to arrange the vort is this:
Minhag among Eastern Europeans to not wear Tallis Godol till married.
Maharil says because parsha of marriage is next to parsha of tzitzis, also we find in megillas Rus the expression for marriage being uforasto kenofecho ahl amasecha.
But what’s the real underlying reason?
We find two segulos associated with wearing tzitzis; Tznius and Ehrlichkeit in Parnassah (Menachos 43 and 44).
Tznius is a way of life, and not at all limited to physical modesty. Ehrlichkeit in parnassah means that you want every element that contributes to your lifestyle to be kosher in all ways.
The most important time to ask for siyata dishmaya in these two elements is when one gets married.
The Tallis, the Chupah, that represents these two elements, is only the ceiling. You can’t just float a roof on nothing. There have to be walls that hold it up. In fact, to build a Bayis Ne’emon you need three things: Foundation, Walls, and Roof.
Roof– Tallis. Husband’s.
Walls– kedushoh created by the Akkeres Habyis, as it says, hashorui belo isho shorui belo chomoh.
Foundation– parents, chinuch, middos.
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