Parashas Ki Seitzei – Resisting the Irresistible
This week’s sedra is Parashas Ki Seitzei and there exists a vast plethora of interesting mitzvahs and commandments within it. Depending on opinion, this sedra contains either the most or the second most amount of mitzvahs in the whole Torah. Following on from the theme started at the end of Parashas Shoftim, the sedra begins with commandments relating to war and in particular that of the “אשת יפת-תאר/woman of beautiful form”. This is without doubt one of the most bizarre mitzvahs in the Torah with it describing how a man should respond to lustful desires in battle which are an inevitability to the often inflamed passion of a solider in battle. In this opening passage of the Torah we are told how a Jewish man may take a woman for his wife if he “will see her among the captivity” [21:11] which appears to be a direct guideline on how one may marry this non-Jewish and as Rashi points out, potentially married woman. We are therefore told that this captive shall shave her head and have her nails grown with her attractive clothes, which according toRashi were used to entice their captors during time of war, removed (“the garment of her captivity” [21:13]). She is then commanded to sit in the man’s house for thirty days in this very unappealing state and then when the time is up the man may take her for a wife if he still pleases. The Torah also adds that if he does not wish to then take her for a wife after seeing her in this state for such an extended period of time, then he “shall send her on her own” with direct commandments not to “sell her for money” or “enslave her” due to the affliction which she has already been subjected to. So what is going on here? Is the Torah really encouraging Jewish men to marry non-Jewish women just to fulfil their desires?… What we see through this passage, is the Torah’s response to infatuation which has occurred at a vulnerable time for this man, when he is out at war. The Torah is recognising the fact that he might see a woman amongst the enemy and feel this uncontrollable desire for her in which he might not be able to restrain himself and the Torah is therefore providing a process whereby this strong yatsa horra can be controlled in an acceptable manner through these guidelines. Rather than risk sin that may lead to spiritual contamination, the Torah provides an avenue for the lustful soldier to satisfy his desire, so that it will cooled before it causes harm. By having this delayed period of time whereby the woman is made to look highly unattractive, the Torah is setting the stage for the inevitable… that the captor’s desires will fade in the interim and he will set her free. So what can we learn from this strange episode? I think the first and most blatant lesson to take from this is that desires based purely on physicality and appearance are bound to evaporate once one realises that this was the only attractive feature that they found in the person. It is no coincidence that divorce rates are so high amongst secular society when decisions based on partnership are based primarily on the physical with the media constantly telling people what their partner should or should not look like. When dating is done amongst frum circles, the first thing that is analysed before the couple even meet is compatibility and then if this matches up they can meet up as this process is designed to lower the risk of relationships forming through infatuation based on looks. Attraction through appearance is of course an important factor but when your other half wakes up in the morning not looking her finest there has to be more than looks which keep you together as a strong unit.
Another important thing to recognise from this opening possuk of our sedra is that the Torah is directly addressing our yatsa harra and is giving us an option to satisfy it in a chalachicaly acceptable manner. The Torah therefore understands that lust is a very difficult taiva to control and according to Rashi the logic behind this mitzvah is to permit something which would be done regardless of whether it was forbidden or not due to the irresistible nature of it. In order to prevent these hapless soldiers from committing an act of sin they are given a conditional permission that they can eventually marry the woman of their attraction. What we learn from this is that we can not use the excuse that something is too hard or beyond our ability with regards to the mitzvahs of the Torah… As we see from this poignant example; if Hashem would have known that you can’t control yourself in a certain area then from here we learn that he would have made some sort of dispensation whereby we would be able to bypass the difficult commandment. For example, if someone might claim that the commandments surrounding lashon horra are too hard a mitzvah to keep, then from here we have proof to say that it is not beyond us and if it was then Hashem would have done something about it. There are therefore no viable excuses for slacking in our avodas Hashem and although keeping the mitzvahs of the Torah are no easy task, we have the ability within us to undertake them.
A final lesson to learn from this episode which is brought down by the Or HaChaim, is that no one is exempt from the powers of the yatsa horra. It is important to remember that the people who were going off to fight these wars were tzaddikim. When we picture soldiers we usually have an image of some scary looking beef cake with a cigarette in his mouth and an evil grin but the Jewish soldiers had just come out of the midbar and were the generation after the receiving of the Torah… they were very holy people indeed. What we must learn from this is that if it they were at risk of falling victims to their own yatsa horras with lustful intentions then all the more so we must be wary of our own potential downfalls and avoid these situations where they could occur. A disciple of the great Rav Elyah Lopian once came to him to ask him some questions concerning a wedding he had been invited to by secular relatives in the North of Israel. After asking his queries on how to deal with certain Kashrus issues Rav Elyah turned to him and asked why he wasn’t troubled by the fact that the affair was to be mixed men and women, and that the women would not be dressed tsniusly. The disciple responded by saying that it wouldn’t be an issue for him as he was very controlled in that area of his yatsa horra. To this the Rav became very disgruntled and rebuked the disciple, informing him that at over 80 years of age and with one bad eye, it was still an issue for himself. The beauty of Rav Lopian in this story was that he was able to admit this weakness which is inherent in all men and therefore through this awareness he teach us that we can all be stronger in avoiding these difficult situations.
Immediately following on from this opening possuk, the Torah speaks of a hated wife [21:15] and according to Rashi the positioning of this next possuk is no coincidence with the Torah warning us that if one was to still marry a woman who he had captured in battle following this long drawn out process, then he will come to eventually hate her in the end. From here we learn a fundamental lesson in the nature of infatuation… when a person indulges in something that is trivial there is an almost certainty, when the source of that infatuation eventually wears off, that there will be repulsion. When the infatuation is gone and all that he is left with is the triviality itself, situations often become very ugly with the person himself realising just how shallow he really is and he is usually at this point sickened by it’s true nature. The Torah is therefore give us an immediate warning following the acquirement of this woman of beautiful form… it is acceptable to marry her following the process outlined above BUT it is highly recommended not to do so because the consequences down the line are not pretty. To almost solidify this point all we need to do is look at the next possuk which describes the infamous ‘wayward and rebellious son’. Rashi once again assists us to outline that the juxtaposition of this possuk is further evidence of the Torah warning us not to marry this captured woman as it will lead to “one family tragedy after another” with the wayward son yet another consequence of this person giving into his desires. This implicit argument against this sort of liaison through these possukim is quite substantial but in order to resist the irresistible one must say no from the start otherwise you never know what might greet you at the end of the path that you are treading…
Shabbat Shalom and I wish everyone a successful week ahead.
Daniel Sandground, (student at Ohr Somayach Yeshivah, Jerusalem)
