Under the chuppah the chosson and kalla are given the blessing that they should be a banyan adei ad – an everlasting building. The blessing is that we should be building our marriages forever.

If you were to give this blessing to Joe the builder who is hard at work on the construction site he would look at you as if you were crazy.

What kind of brocha is that? I don’t want to be building this building forever? This has to be finished in two years, max!

So why do we want this newly married couple to be building their marriage forever? Why can’t they build, take a rest and just be?

Because there is no final brick in marriage. A marriage should always be growing upwards.

When a tomato is growing it is green. It is only once it has grown to full size and it ripens that it turns red. But once it’s red it starts to rot. It is the same way with marriage. If they take a rest from growing, from working on their marriage, if they want to simply be, their marriage will start to rot.

At some point we may feel like our marriage has come to the best place. We can stop working on it and stop adding bricks now; we can think, ‘We’ve made it.’ But that is a big mistake. Life is not stationary. We are always changing and our marriage is always changing. We are building our marriages forever. And that means that are buildings have a chance to reach the greatest heights.


May we be zoche to always grow like a green tomato.

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