If you grew up eating avocado salad with red onions, and one day you encounter avocado salad with corn, you will subconsciously acknowledge that this is an alternative, interesting way of making avocado salad but the authentic way is obviously with red onions!  And the person who always ate corn in their avocado salad thinks your recipe is a surprising variation!!  What does this mean?

The atmosphere our children live in is “normal” to them.  Any other way is not natural or comfortable.  If they are raised with positive examples, they almost do not know how to conduct themselves any differently.  Unfortunately, when a child grows up with coldness, harsh discipline, conditional love, and without their emotional needs being addressed, this becomes the only way they know.  One day, if they will want to make changes it will be highly challenging.

Hopefully, we are trying to create these positive, healthy norms within our homes.  One of the underlying principles to note behind the scene is that chinuch is so much more about what we don’t say than what we do say.  Yes, we need to verbalize love, praise and encouragement.  Yet in the long-term children reflect so much on what they observed; our smile, our warmth, a stroke, a hug.  None of this is spoken aloud.

Contrary to what we may think, we do not have to comment on every incorrect action they do.  We need not react to every inappropriate situation we see.  Sometimes we may feel that we are failing in our role if we do not reprimand our children.  In reality, if it is that important for them to learn a specific message, the opportunity will present itself, under the orchestration of HaKadosh Baruch Hu.  The wisdom of a parent is to know how to hold back sometimes.  Without using this skill we will accumulate too much negativity in the relationship.


We provide our children with many “recipes” on life during their short stay in our home.  Let us daven and invest effort to give them the finest ingredients to be “master chefs” in achieving their potential.  And remember that the most delicious food is full of love and warmth!

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